2001-08-21-1:04 p.m.>

So, Gena had made mention of the possibility of me going to Hofstra after this semester, and quite frankly I hadnt really ever given any thought.

Because, I dont even really know why because. Maybe just because its a private school and my parents are all SUNY SUNY SUNY. So sure, just send me to some really cold party school upstate guys, thats EXACTLY what I want.

Anyhow, I've determined that I've spent too much time thinking within their boundaries to keep things EASY.

And with school starting back up again so soon I have a lot of shit I have to get together.

Mainly...applications for prospective schools to which I would like to transfer.

So I was reading about Hofstra, and they have this thing called the Univesities Studies program or something of the like. And within that program they have something called the Trasnfer Division. And they kinda describe it as Heyyyy, so you fucked up somewhere else, we'll give you ONE more chance at a real school ! To paraphrase of course. Anyways, Im all over this. Because hey, I really fucked up last fall semester, and yes, I got all of those grades excused. I dont know.

In short, Im definitely applying to Hofstra for admission in the Spring. I'd like to entertain the idea of living there, but ehh, that seems kinda pointless. Me living like 15 minutes away. But hey, that would put 15 minutes and a whole bunch of miles between me and my family, no ?

Other than that...

I'll probably apply to SUNY New Paltz, just to appease the parents.

I'd like to apply to Emerson, as it remains the one and only school I've ever really wanted to go to. But...I think Im gonna have to take a tour or something before I apply. Because Boston is probably more snowy than Long Island, and Im not a big of pseudo cities with too much snow.

The New School, more specifically, Lang, but I dont know that I could live in NYC. I think about it alot. I guess I could. Again, tour !.

Hmmm, I dont know what else. Im gonna have to go back into"interested college student doing transfer research"mode.

Ick, I dont want to have to deal with rejections. I guess we'll see how it all pans out.

Anyways...

I started a godbox.

In which I write little letters to god, and then put them in the box.

The first read,

Dear God,

Im sorry Im not big on the faith thing. But Im kinda afraid of you, and all the hooey that goes along with you. -m

The next read,

Dear God,

things get rough, and the only seem to get rougher, and I question your intervention or location in ever difficult situation in my life. God, I dont understand how you could be here helping when all this shit goes down, and Im left sitting in the middle of it all. But Im trying to figure it out. Your place in things and mine. How we relate to each other. Sister(my dads aunt the nun) says that I should take your hand and walk with you. But Im reluctant, because I dont know much about you. Im told though that you know everything about me. Everything. Now thats intimidation. -m

The last,

Please god,

help me to remain focused and mildly motivated.-m

Its an interesting concept. Everytime I add something to box, I'll post it here.

While penning this entry of sorts I was listening:"Wild World", me first + the gimme gimmes cover, "Tennessee", Arrested Development.

Now Im going to try to be productive.

And maybe watch The Usual Suspects.