2001-08-21-12:16 p.m.>

I had these painful nightmares last night.

Painful in the sense that I woke thinking they were really hurting me. Maybe you know what I mean, Maybe not, dont really care.

I had this dream, that I was stranded on the side of the road in Selden. Waiting and Waiting for someone to come pick me up. I've never actually been to Selden, so Im not really familiar with what Selden would look like. Infact I should probably quit using the name of the town, lest someone from there who knows someone from here finds me via google and all goes down the crapper.

Moving on,

I was stuck on the side of the road in Selden. Looking for my mother, waiting for my mother to come, and I was so afraid that she didnt remember what I had said when I called her from my cell. Or she just didnt know where Selden was. I was crying, in my dream.Praying for my mother to come rescue me, because I felt forgotten, and alone. Weak, helpless.

Then,

I had this dream where my Uncle left my baby cousin in my hands. She's tiny, very tiny. And I was so worried, I wouldnt take care her of her right. At first, she was giggly, bubbly, and she grabbed onto my pinky with her little baby hand and wrapped all of her fingers around my one. It was endearing and it made me smile. I was happy. All of a sudden, another one of my uncles comes along, and leaves another baby in my hands. This was more confusing, as there are no babies in his family in real life. But I accepted the task of caring for baby, and had two babies in my arms. A boy and a girl. My father came home, and started yelling at my mother. Like always, like he always does. And the weird thing is, when he yells at her, he never makes any sense. NEVER. And he just doesnt see it. But it really pisses my mom off. Anyways,

moving on, my mom was crying, because my dad was yelling. And held the two babies so close to me so that maybe they wouldnt hear. And all of sudden it looked like one of them wasnt moving or breathing. But I was so afraid to shake her. I didnt want to hurt her, apparently I already had. So in my arms, I had this still lifeless baby. And I was hyperventilating, and crying, and I woke up doing the same two things. Holding pillow tight to my chest.

It was very emotional, and very frightening. And Im sure you all dont care.