08.27.01-8:27 a.m.>

Gena'slatest entry made me completely sad.(on a sidenote: how many of my entries start with "Gena, said this",or "Hey Gena mentioned this",she has all the good ideas first)

Maybe I guess because I get a little paranoid too sometimes. That the very few good friends I have will figure me out any day now, and see that

a) Im a horrible person who hates to return phone calls.

b)Im mean and critical

c)I forget birthdays

d)I break promises

e)Im not half as funny as I think I am

f)Im a big fucking poser/loser/dork who spends too much time on the internet, because nobody lives in Lindenhurst anymore except for me.

Thats my biggest fear, that people I'm close to will figure out that Im pretty much not worth talking to.

Does someone smell some Low Self Esteem, I sure do.

I also get the feeling like people Im casually friends with get tired of me pretty quick,because its always the same few things with me, and I never really change. There will always be something stupid and trivial bothering me. There will always be something tiny and senseless making me happy. I will always be frantic about something. I will never be completely happy.

So in turn, its really hard for me to get close to people. Or it has been since high school, because I just look at the world and feel like I have absolutely nothing in common with it.

Everytime I go ahead and feel like Im fitting, I wind up getting hurt, or saying something stupid that makes people look at me sideways.

Ehhhhh, now Im kinda down on myself.

Im going back to sleep.