10.08.01-3:47 p.m.>

I know

that I havent been the best friend

too critical at times

too cynical

Im so tired

these days

so tired

of not having you around

and theres not a day that passes

where I see/hear/feel/smell something

that makes me think of you

and my heart twists itself into a knot

and Im sick to my stomach

thinking about what I did to you

how horrible I was

how I was too busy

staring off into the distance

to see you laying yourself at my feet

giving every ounce

of yourself

to other people

I was so selfish

and angry

at the world

thinking it owed me something

that I was so incredibly special

different

from everyone else

no one would ever understand

but you did

and I never saw that

Im so sorry

-

you dont ever have to forgive me

I just wish you could look me in the eye