11.05.01-12:06 a.m.>

I wanna visit rainy damp places.

I wanna go places where

nobody knows my name.

I wanna melt into a crowd of people in rush hour.

I wanna be far far away from here, for even just a little while.

I just wanna run and run and run and never ever look back.

Run till Im out of breath and my sides ache

and I forget...

that Im not as smart as they thought I was

that Im not doing anything spectacular

that Im drowning in mediocrity

that Im not doing anything about it

that the yankees lost

that everything dear to me, is meaningless in the big picture.

that I hate the winter and the way the change in seasons fills my lungs on cold mornings

that I walk too slow

that I speak too fast

that I make such little sense

that it starts to hurt when you cant sleep after a while

that TV is dull late at night

that every one of my fears is pretty ridiculous, but I cant get away from any of them

that I miss how easy things were

that most of the time I am wrong

that I can never apologize

that I avoid confrontation

that I cannot accept responsibility

that I am rarely funny

that I am pretty odd

that I procrastinate

that I obsess

that I dramatize

that I whine

that I am ungrateful

that I am selfish

that I am flawed

but we all are.

I just wish that for an hour, I could put up a wall between me and my demons, just an hour, 20 minutes, so I could think, because they're drowning me out at this point.