12.17.01-12:55 a.m.>

You know how when you're sick, it feels good to nap and relax. And you wake with your face all pinkened and you can yawn and stretch and smack your lips and feel BETTER.

Well in 2000 I was sick.I'd actually been sick for a very long time. Then over the summer I went away,and I came home and suffered my first major depressive episode.Those months between sept'00-jan'01 are such a blur. Really,I read the old diary from that time last year and I just feel so bad for myself. Its strange to try to go back to those places emotionally. Try to relate to my own words. I cant. I was hurting myself, and most likely other people. I was pushing and pushing and pushing people away, which is something I still do.(eeep)

Anyhow, I strode in 2001 and decided it would be the year to put myself on two feet.It was a weighty statement to make. But the right one, Im positive. I needed time to contemplate, reflect, and heal. ("heal" sounds so self help).

In the way of change, I've grown. Grown to know myself better than anyone. Learned that...

-everything changes,and it may be scary to adapt, but the change thing its GOOD.

-Maybe staying the same is easier, but EASIER IS NOT BETTER.

-Easier is NOT better.

-Excuses are usually poor and halfassed.

-There absolutely nothing like the feeling of accomplishment after a day of hardwork.

-As it much as it sucks to get along with people sometimes, I need to learn to suck it up and act growed.

-People dont always have to agree with me.

-I cant always expect people to be sympathetic.

-People arent required to understand how I feel.

-Not everyone sees things from my POV.

-Sometimes I am wrong.

-Dreams are worth their weight in entertainment value, wishes too, but action is the key to realization.

(alot of the stuff was just me coming to terms with my sickeningly textbook INFP behavior)

In the end I guess 2001's purpose was for me to meet myself, and get my life back.Its good to look back on this year and NOT feel crappy.