01.30.02-6:14 p.m.>

Today is my little cousin's 12th birthday.

She is such a dear sweet girl and I cant get over how old she is, and how old it makes me feel.

I was 8 turning 9 when she was born. I remember my aunt not trusting me, so I was never allowed to hold her. Just admire her as an infant, help with bottles and things. Every month she'd get bigger and her eyes would be a little wider, or she'd start to form words, or crawl, or something.I remember when she wouldnt wear black because it scared her. I remember when we'd sit together on my aunts recliner side by side and watch the little mermaid. I remember teaching her how to color. I remember long car rides.I remember boo boo's and birthday parties and loose teeth.

12 years is a lifetime to her, and it's amazing how little she knows, and how shes totally unaware of it. I see things written on her face, the worries of an adolescent. I wish I could take those pains away, or ease her mind.

It's a wonderful thing to be close to a child. It's painful when you see there are things you cant do for them anymore like carry them, or tie their shoes, or pour their juice, little things.

Everyone should have little cousins like mine.

That is my ruling for the day.

Happy Birthday Rachel, I love you very very much.