02.27.02-1:17 a.m.>

In exactly one month I will be older than dirt.

Provided of course that dirt is 20 yrs old or younger.

But seriously folks,this growing up stuff, aging emotionally, maturity, it wears on a girl.

21, that sounds so old to me. Like I should have more at 21,

- a better resume

- dressier clothes

- sheets that dont have cartoon characters on them (powerpuffgirls if you really must know

- a better,clearer idea of what direction Im moving in

- a work ethic

As a child I never really knew what my future would bring. I guess I never really thought about college until my parents were breathing down my neck and it was staring me in the face.

I like to think I'm pulling things together. I know I wont graduate on time, but sometime the least unexpected path is the one that is chosen for us. For me its constantly bumpy and never uneventful,luckily I'm never alone on it, but sometimes I think that something that's turning me into something I really dont want to be.

It's nice to be living here. To be close to home and my family and the things Im used to. It's nice to sleep in my own bed and have my parents remind me when to do my laundry and sit down to a meal with them. It's nice to live with my brother. I cant say that Im not satisfied or that I'm dissappointed,maybe I'm dissappointed, but I realize I put myself in this situation and I'm the only that can help myself to change it.

I make no sense. ever. at all.

I just wish I didnt feel so alone all of the time. I wish I could relate to other people easier, and I wish that I wasnt so afraid of becoming close to other people.

It's making me older than I am.

Putting distance between me and the rest of the world.

ugh.