04.07.02-1:05 a.m.>

Tonight was a blissfully clear night on Long Island,New York.

The sun set around dinner time and light gave way to dark. The shimmery stars began to peek out in the night sky one by one as I peered out my bedroom window. A little one twinkle-twinkled right with in my view.

I wished upon that bright shiny ball of gas,that fate might deliver me the Sweet Nectar of Digital Video Recording Gods. Yes, that's right. I wished for a tivo.

Question: What is this TEE VO you speak of, Melissa ?

Answer: Why Tivo is only the greatest thing to happen to Mankind since The Muppets. A Tivo is pure magic, like an angel sent down from the heavent to sit atop your television taking care of all you programming needs on high. Making sure you'll NEVER miss that special episode of "Once and Again", or ... The Episode of the Naked Chef you've seen the commercial for 10 times a weeek, or that episode of the Osbournes you keep missing because people just dont understand...DONT CALL ME between 10:30 and 11 pm on a Tuesday night. In short.

TIVO IS GOD.

Question: Melissa, do you really watch that much TV ?

Answer: Yes, but I could be watching lots more. Why complete hours of quality programming are lost on such menial tasks as Higher Education,Part Time Work,and Daily Hygeine.

Question: Why do I care about how badly you want a tivo ?

Answer:Dont look at me Crazy !

Question:We've heard your Tivo bit before Melissa, how can we get you to shut up ?

Answer:Sadly, there is no silencing of the Melissa until this digital fairy pet is bestowed upon her. The quickest way to get Melissa to shut up about the Tivo is to get someone to buy her a Tivo.

Alert The Masses.

Promptly.

Lest you all suffer my not so witty banter once more.

Sincerely,

M.H.M.