04.26.02-10:27 p.m.>

Whats up diary ?

Maybe its time for an entry of some substance...

Maybe not.

Tomorrow is my cousin's communion thing.

My mom keeps remarking on how important it is for us all to be there together.

yea.

I was in the card store today buying, well a card for the aforementioned communion thing, and I hit the Mothers Day section and just became flooded with all this anger again. Ya know, the "why do bad things happen continuously to good people ?" anger.

I would willingly take all of this.

I would trade places with her in a heartbeat.

She doesn't deserve this.

I dont want to see her sick.

These last few days I have with her, before she goes into the hospital are constantly taking my breath away.I dont know if I can handle whats going to come next. I have all these childlike questions.

How will things be different when she comes home ?

Is it ok for me to be scared ?

...because I am, shitless infact, and I feel really really guilty about it, and I dont know why.

ugh.