05.13.02-10:24 p.m.>

So heres another summer staring me in the face(Hey Summer, What's Up), and I decided that this will be the last summer I waste, because we're only given so much to do the thinking in life, and frankly all this thinking is what's killing me.

I cleaned out my closet today.

I dont think I've seen the bottom of my closet since we moved here.

Im taking down the old posters tomorrow.

Everything I dragged from the old house to this one in an poor attempt to recreate the shell of a room I loved so much.

Something must be done.

I must DO something.

Something big. Something bigger than what Im doing now anyhow.

I imagine the walls of my room bare.

and it hurts my head.

I tug on the weezer tapestry,and am reminded of the Christmas my brother bought it for me.

I am cleaning out my bookshelves, and I find notes from friends tucked between pages of Fear Street.

I am sitting on my floor, quite literally surrounded by my past, and its piling up, and I have to make the decision here.To tuck it back away, to weigh on me another day, or to get the biggest bag I can find and trash it.

I will always have the memories...

Waiting for Lori to get out of Chem, to walk to Journalism together everyday. Goofing around in homeroom.The Field Trips to Columbia. Sleeping on Jessica's Couch on Saturday Nights falling asleep watching the Cartoon Network,with her little brother and sister sleeping on the floor. Wearing my stupid blue hooded sweatshirt, all the damn time. Key Club, and the Stay awake a thons. My creative writing class in 9th grade. My friends. My locker. Laser Tag. Trips to the mall. Giants Stadium. Working at Target.

Its still in my head,and will be forever so why I am physically holding on to things ?

Movie Tickets,Birthday Cards,POSTERS,Pictures from magazines hanging on my wall. A 2001 calendar that I just cant seem to part with. SNEAKERS, that are clearly worn, but I loved,and just let sit on my closet floor.

50% of it is me not being able to LET GO,because I dont know what being without these things will be like, and that scares me.

The other half is divided between me physically never being able to muster the energy to DO things, and me not being able to focus/concentrate long enough to get alot of things done. Its very frustrating. I associate it mostly with the depression.

But I think just knowing,or being able to acknowledge what needs to be done is a big step for me.

When Im done...it'll just be me, and I need that.